So there's this guy from KPMG who campaigns for a Lukemia foundation. He joined because one of his close co-workers was diagnosed with Lukemia about 1.5yrs ago, and he's a really active advocate since. Seeing all the work he does really guilt trips me. I feel like I am obligated to join the donor database because I can potentially save a life. It just feels like part of my responsibility. But I'm so scared of the pain, and what if I don't recover from the surgery? What if there are complications in the OR? Will my career slow down as a result? Who's paying me while I can't work? Because of all these concerns I lack the courage to sign up and give hope to others. I feel selfish, but... I just can't help but feel scared.

As the lyrics below says, everyone has a wish. Wouldn't it be great if we can help ppl continue to dream big?

非洲跟斑馬合照　冰島睇一次下雪
孩提時懷抱的理想　總不會忘掉
光陰多太少　飛進樂園　幻境中探險
天空中優美夜色　應該伸手去摘星
看每對期盼的眼睛　請准我承諾
伴你共行艱苦路程　沿途是笑聲

make a wish　不能更改天氣幻變
但仍盼望笑面重現　聽一聽
那心願　夢也可實踐
to dream a dream　蔚藍的天不再下雨
艷陽照射飛霜退燒　笑一笑
再許願　現實有不盡意　都可改變

假使身體壯健些　他想開一次列車
如巡遊城市的勇者　這一個宏願
別種在人心的荒野　才成熟快些

make a wish　不能更改天氣幻變
每夜仍盼望笑面重現　聽一聽
那心願　夢也可實踐

＊to dream a dream　蔚藍的天不再下雨
艷陽照射飛霜退燒　我跟你
再許願　入夜晚星在照
to make a wish

兒童合唱︰make a wish　不能更改天氣幻變
每夜仍盼望笑面重現　聽一聽
那心願　夢也可實踐

REPEAT＊

I really wasn't being over dramatic. Imagine being the ONLY person really drunk while everyone else is sober. It's so embarrassing!

Anyway, work was a bitch yesterday. It was my first real day of work, but I still had to stay until 7:30pm in the office. The worst part was that I got locked out in the stairecase. I had to walk down 14 floors while wearing 2.5 inch heels with a laptop, a big coat, 4 binders, and a lunchbox in my hands. -_- By the time I got back to Milpitas and finished dinner, it was already 10:15pm. Before I could even digest my food, I had to crawl into bed at 11pm I'm becoming such a grannie- if' I'm not in bed by 11am, I cannot wake up the next day. Today was really nice though. I left the office early at 5:30pm, and the sky was still bright. There really is just something special about going home when there is still daylight. It made my day.

shit. Just as I thought I would never have to face those friends of my friend again (from last post), one of those friends facebooked me! I am extremely embarrassed about being so intoxicated while no one else was! If I were them, I would totally be like, "who's that fool?" I don't want to have anything to do with anyone there. What should I do? Ignore the request coz he probably would never know I ignored it anyway, or add him, then ignore him. But what's the point of adding him then? Or should I add him, and then try to convince him that I'm actually normal? aiii... let it sit, let it sit

I haven't been writing xanga in a long time, but a lot of things happened recently. Weird!

Anyway, I feel really guilty about getting so ridiculously drunk in front of my friend's friends. It's his first time meeting them, and here is me, acting like "yut pet larn lai." aiiii... I can't believe I ashamed him like that.

Also, I was shocked to receive a msg on facebook from my cousin saying that he and his wife look really fat in my pictures and want me to take them off.  I mean, "really??? you seriously wrote that??" It's so politically INcorrect, and INsensitive. They do realize that there is the "un-tag" function, right? Aiiiiiiiiiiii But I should be more understanding since my Bill So is probably just a little self conscious due to her pregnancy. Suck in up Bea.

Thanks for all the msgs. My body feels much healthier now :)

Lots of random happy/inspiring things happened. I'm so happy to see my friends from primary school again. Too bad we forgot to take pics tho >.< After so many years, things still feel the same, as if we were never apart. There really is a side of Bea that only comes out with friends since third grade. Thank you for coming out and chilling with me. It means a lot to me.

I also met my second cousin for the second time yesterday night. If it wasn't for his initiation, I don't think I would have contacted him. I'm glad he was persistent though cause he's such an awesome guy to have around. I found his determination and care for family especially inspiring. He reminds me of what I haven't been doing in a long while.

I also find my swimming coach quite inspiring. Even though she's a year younger than me, she has already been working for 3 years. In addition to her regular job, she also coaches swimming 3 days a week as a side job to earn more money. Since she lives in Tai Po, it takes 2 hrs to commute back and forth. You can imagine how long her day is. She never eats during regular times, and I doubt if she ever have time to eat 3 meals a day. She seems so mature for her age. She has a goal, and she works toward it. I feel ashamed that I am still using my parents' money to travel around and enjoying life, while others are working hard, saving money for college or making career plans. (btw, what amazes me as well is that she has been dating her bf for SEVEN years! She's only 21! )